another month down and despite what i knew, i fell into the trap that is Mercury Retrograde.
i felt like i was outgrowing the Hostel. the spring rain came late this year and with a vengeance no one had seen in years. it rained for three weeks. suddenly the trailer i was staying was sitting in a puddle of water. the morning mercury turned retrograde i woke up with a skin mite- was offered both a ‘too-good-to-be-true’ work share situation from a girl i befriended at the hostel, and a fifteen dollar an hour landscaping job. it seemed like i was being rewarded for all the self-healing i had been doing. that i was being pulled here. it was a pat on the back for being a detached emotional mediator for all the social drama at the hostel. so i jumped. it was a way out.
i was living in a guesthouse of this elderly couple who had a crazy veggie farming operation that had fallen into an overgrown burden because of illness. for two weeks i crashed there, healed my skin mites with a heavy dose of neem, tea tree, and coconut oil lotion twice a day for 2 weeks. i spent my time spread between the 25 hours a week i was working at the hostel, the 5 hours a week landscaping, then helping out with my new work share in between. still less time than i was working in Massachusetts.
this past sunday i said goodbye to the hostel and started up officially with the new gig. i was cured of the mite- i had grand plans to sell art. i felt like i had a home. things seemed to settle.
then i got really sick. it was very flu like. couch-ridden the first two days. sleeping 14 hours straight and unable to move. my roommate is a herbalist and had me take a tincture of Yerba Manza and Osha Root every 2 hours, 5 times a day. that did the trick, so i was able to work my landscaping job on wednesday, then went to work yesterday at the veggie farm bright and early. later that day i found out their nephew- who had been putting in all day every day reorganizing the entire operation wanted to be the man for the job- so i have to be out of the guest house in 10 days.
there were no hard feelings, i understood and it was fair. i couldn’t invest all my time and energy into spearheading that undertaking. and luckily i had concerns so i was already looking for alternative living situations. and have a handful of terrific options lined up, as well as the Hostel to fall back on.
but i think the lesson was i was trying to do but i should have been reflecting. i thought i reflected enough, and it was time for action. however last night i realized, as i sat in a coffee shop trying to solidify this plan i already thought i had- was that i really didn’t know.
i know i want to focus on art. focus on myself. continue on this herbal/astrology/tarot/crystal path i carved for myself. to search for natural magic. to record my beliefs. i want to live sustainably. simply. to be my own boss. to buy land. to start a venue for like-minded ideas. but there is still this large leap in attaining the grander part of my dreams.
but things also just take time. and i am impatient.
in the past few months i have accomplished a lot- i have learned to deal with a lot of interpersonal issues. i have had to face a lot of fears within myself. learning to roll with things has been a major breakthrough and help. i’ve learned enough about herbs i even healed myself. i’ve learned enough about astrology i can have long winded conversations about the sky and signs and birth charts. i’ve had the most intense magic happen in my life here, and i’m not quite ready to quit it.
so i’m packing up my things, and taking a break from the work-trade idea. the season is finally warming up here. i’m going camping, and seeing where it takes me.
because Mercury doesn’t go direct for another 6 days, so i really should utilize this period of reflection to my advantage. clarify my direction, and then go ahead with action.